Rewards and Consequences

Today's weigh in was great! I was down 4.4 this week making a total of 12 even for the year. Very encouraging that my hard work paid off...I know it won't always, but this week I'll own it. Then I briefly debated...take the day off from working out, or enjoy 3 tacos and a 3 mile hike. It took less than 5 minutes to realize that I actually wanted to walk today and did not want to break my momentum. Then for about 45 minutes I struggled with the brilliant idea of doing the hike without the tacos. Rewarding hard work with more hard work...what a concept! In the end, I decided to go for the tacos, not because I necessarily wanted or "deserved" them, but because I knew if I didn't have them today, I'd still be thinking about them tomorrow. I fell into this pattern last month, when my reward entailed going to a late night movie on Saturday....I finally went on Monday. Mentally it was not the right decision for me. I chased that reward for 2 entire days, and replaced it with little "slips" along the way telling myself "it's okay, you never took advantage of your reward." BIG MISTAKE! So today I looked within, identified behavior patterns, weighed the reward versus the consequence, and chose accordingly. Ideally I'll get out of this reward mentality, or at the very least replace it with something non-food related. But for today I'll enjoy those 11 point tacos, after all, I have to eat! Oh, and my 3 miles were exhilarating! I felt incredible afterwards, like a new woman. I downloaded some new tunes today, and can't wait to hit 3 miles again tomorrow. Aiming for 4 next weekend!

Last chance workout people, last chance workout!!!

It's been a great week for workouts, tonight being no exception. Tomorrow morning is my WW weigh in and I'm hoping to have lost something, anything, but especially the two pounds that I was up last week. Cardio was pretty much my focus this week and after putting in my 6th night tonight, I feel awesome! I sure could use a rest tomorrow, you know, weigh in day and the whole reward mentality, dangerous as it is. But I've made myself a deal...I can either reward myself the way I have the past two weekends, by having Chipotle for lunch (the only fast food I'll eat after watching Food Inc.) Or I can skip the treadmill. But I can't do both. Either way, I'm facing a 3 mile hike either Saturday or Sunday, or better yet, BOTH!

I feel exceptional, more energetic and alive than I have in a while. This morning as the kids were going off to school I was doing a little happy TGIF dance....my hubs looked at me and said, "your treadmill is definitely working. You have more energy and you're in a better mood than I've seen in a while." Just a reminder that the scale is not the only method of measuring success.

Have a happy, healthy weekend my friends!

The Buck Stops Here

The tall non-fat latte that is. And it actually stopped last week, I think. Without making an effort, my daily Starbucks run appears to be subsiding. I can't even tell you when I had my last latte. Perhaps last Friday? So nearly a week? What I do know is that I'm no longer looking for caffeine as fuel, but rather to whole foods that will fill me up and keep me going. I must confess to a little secret weapon however, and that's my Trader Joe's unsweetened green tea. I'm an idiot when it comes to brewing green tea...give me black tea, and I'm a master. But brewing green tea is an art...for which I have no time to master. So last year DuWayne (my old trainer) turned me on to TJs green tea in a 1 litre bottle. I drink on average a litre a day. Either unflavored, orange bergamot or blueberry pomegranate, my fav. I used to drink very little water, if any, but the green tea has been a seamless transition from sugary soda to water. I still get a little flavor, without the sugar substitutes of the drink powders. No calories, no fat, no carbs, 10mg of sodium and 50% vitamin C. Wow! I never noticed the Vitamin C til now. No wonder I feel so fantastic! I have no idea how much caffeine is in here, but the beauty of this tea is that it enables one to drop a lot of water. So if you're ever feeling the bloat, I would highly recommend this.

So bye bye latte. I'll keep my 2 WW points, and my 3 bucks, and feel more clear headed, more focused as a result.

Untitled

There was no method to my madness, but today's workout consisted of shoveling the driveway. In the 9 years that we've lived here, I've never done this. A month ago I never would have considered it. But today I put on my Polar monitor and an hour and 600 calories later, I felt AWESOME! The girls had a scheduled day off so every once in a while I poked my head in the back door to check on everyone....and each time I did my little helper, Eva, refilled my water glass so I didn't have to remove my boots. She is too cute! I had every intention of getting on the treadmill tonight, but I opted out due to a headache. I know this will not be an option in 6 weeks, so I may have to keep ahead of the game by round the clock Advil. I'm trying to be more conscientious about moving more, doing toe raises at the kitchen counter, taking 5 minutes here and there to do some stepping, and stretching, stretching and more stretching. Every little bit should help.

This weekend was spent researching and shopping for items for the Ridge. My Wright socks arrived today, sports bras have been ordered from Champion USA, little packets of EVOO and balsamic vinegar ordered for our Disney trip in 3 weeks (so I have better control over my nutrition while traveling). Workout clothes have been received from Lands End, some I love, others will be returned. As for the swimsuits - forget about it! I'm wearing what I already have and will look forward to buying something new for summer after I lose a size or two. Tomorrow after a much needed haircut I'm heading out to get my Camelbak, and possibly look at trail shoes.

Off to see the conclusion of ice dancing! Be well!

The BIG Picture

Saturdays are WW weigh in days. I skipped last week knowing that I had gained, and knowing that if I saw it on the scale it would shatter my confidence. Yes, I was still that fragile. This week I had no idea what the scale had in store for me, but I went in with a completely new attitude. I knew that I would get what I paid for, meaning, I would only get out of my week that which I put into it. Truth be told, over the last 14 days I have eaten beyond my points for 11 of them. Only these last 3 days were perfect. I worked out 6 days this week but didn't know how much that would help. As a result, I had a 2.2 gain over two weeks...and I'm okay with that. My motivation is not shattered, I have not lost focus, and I'm not disappointed. I'm being realistic. And I'm looking at the big picture...

I still have lost 7.6 pounds this year. I know I'm taking positive steps towards a healthier lifestyle, forming better habits, and setting positive trends each and every day. My goal is not to lose a certain number by a certain date. I know this will take time, and every little loss will eventually add up to something big. This is a revelation for me, as someone who has always been one of those dieters who expected instant results. I used to be very all or nothing, completely in or completely out. I forgot how critical it is to have realistic expectations. It's taken me years to figure out that I need a plan that fits my life, not a life that fits around a plan.

It recently occurred to me that during the time I spent with my trainer and nutritionist last year, I was focusing on the very small details. Before each appt with the trainer I made my own "gatorade" with water, pomegranate juice, green tea, and L-Glutamine, then also made a whey protein shake for post workout. I felt the need to do everything just right to get the maximum benefit, while completely losing sight of the grand scheme of things, that it was just important to get my butt moving. That amount of prep along with getting the kids off to school then rushing to the health club to be on time did not fit my life, and eventually stopped being fun. They say the beauty is in the details, but so is the devil.

So big picture....I'm doing what feels right and fits with my life right now. I may not be working out as much as I could/should be in preparation for Fitness Ridge, but I'm committed to doing more and more every day to keep my progress moving forward. My treadmill work this week increased from 1.5 to 2.5 miles, much of that between a 5-10% incline. My goal is to be at 8.5 miles by 4/4. I will hug that STOP sign and you will see a photo!

Have a happy & healthy weekend my friends!

What prompted me...

So after that not so brief intro, this is what prompted me to blog in the first place. As I was falling asleep last night I had a thought, a question, and I couldn't answer it. So I thought I'd write it out...

My thought is this, what if people don't notice? This is something that has caused me to throw in the towel many times. Here's the deal. My parents don't know I'm going to Fitness Ridge, nor will they until I'm home, if ever. As I've mentioned to friends on FB, I'm usually very quiet about my weight loss efforts. I've learned from the past that if I make it known that I'm trying to lose weight/gain health, then when I fail, which I always have, it's incredibly embarassing. So even though I've announced it to all my friends on FB, my parents do not know, and anyone on FB that has remote contact with them is blocked from seeing my status/posts. This is juvenile I know.

I will not see my parents until Sophia's First Communion on 5/1. Here's the purpose of this post....I'm afraid that if I haven't taken off a noticable amount, in pounds or inches, that I'll view that as a failure. Believe me, it's happened before. I've lost maybe 20 or 30 pounds (a drop in the bucket for me) without anyone noticing. And when they don't I say to myself, "what's the point? I've worked so hard and no one can tell." A good friend of mine (shout out to Jim who took off 100 of his own, woot!) said that weight loss isn't really noticable until you hit about 10%. It is my sincere hope that over the next few months something will click to make me realize that I am doing this for myself and no one else. Me. ME! Not my parents, not my husband, nor my three beautiful girls, not the guy I'm crushing on, or the skinny bitches at the pool. Me.

Thank you. I can see why people do this!

A Short History

I'll start you off with a brief history of how this journey came to be. Last year was supposed to be the Year of Me. The year that I finally made strides in taking some of this weight off. 2009 started off with a bang, a membership at LifeTime Fitness, with an awesome and incredibly hot trainer DuWayne and a well educated nutritionist that gave me some great tips. The first two months went really well and I dropped 12 pounds. Then in early March I had a freakish back injury while in the shower. My efforts came to a screeching halt when I realized that discs between L3/L4 and L4/L5 were bulging. I saw my ortho, a couple of chiropractors, went to a little PT which made it horribly worse, and in the end I've just decided to live with it for the time being. It still causes pain, but seriously, after having 3 babies my pain threshhold is incredibly high. To this day I have yet to have an MRI, I loathe them anyway, so long story short...I'm in denial about addressing the injury any further and have decided that if I can just get some weight off the pain and pressure will subside somewhat.

I attempted to get back on the wagon several times last year, pushed myself to attend my appts with the trainer, but ultimately did myself no favors by avoiding the big issue, the injury. By May I threw in the towel and decided to enjoy the summer, albeit in a fat swimsuit. By the end of summer, after existing nearly every day in my comfy black dresses that never showed any sign of weight gain, I found myself with a renewed interest in my weight loss goal. My dear friend Kay and I started Weight Watchers together, the first time I've actually done it with someone.

Continued to spin my wheels and talk the talk for several months, losing and gaining the same 10 pounds. Then at the end of Biggest Loser season 8 I saw the add for Fitness Ridge and began to look into it. I saw that Mike's brother Max had gone to jump start his journey. I just loved Mike! But I digress. I said to my husband, "Wouldn't it be great if I could lose 50 on my own, then go there to break through any plateau or to renew my motivation?" He said, sure, lose 50 on your own and you can go.

Long story short, well, not really, but I called in early January and the first available spot was for the week of July 18. Of course I was hoping to go earlier, like say when the kids are on spring break in April. Being the control freak that I am, I feel that I can only go when the girls are out of school (summer, or break) so that Dave doesn't need to manage the whole school routine. I did it for those 4 weeks when he was in Finland/Israel/Australia. Not easy, and wouldn't wish it upon anyone....not even him! So I took the July date, wait listed for April 4, spring break week. The awesome Nancy at FR called with an opening for a shared room on the 4th, which of course I took. Then she called back with an available private room. Luck and timing were on my side. I have not lost the 50 pounds on my own, not even close, but alas my journey begins, weather I'm ready or not...here I come!