Wrapping Up

Seriously, has it been a month? Wow! Well, this blogging thing isn't really for me. I don't have all that much to say that hasn't been said, and anyone who wants to follow this BLR journey can hit me up on Facebook. I always update FB but this blogging seems to be more of a chore and less of something that I want to do for myself. It's the year of me, remember?!?!?!?

I will leave you with this one last revelation...

As I was walking yesterday it occurred to me that my BLR adventure next week will likely be the single most difficult challenge I've had to endure in my life thus far. I reminded myself that the best way for me to get through it is to take it one day at a time...something I've been doing since I began this weight loss journey in earnest in January. I've always been an all or nothing individual, always focused on the little details of weight loss while looking eye to eye with the daunting task ahead of me. But I love this day by day mentality which seems to be working for me.

Anyway, it hit me. This will not be the most difficult struggle of my life. I've already had a huge challenge thrown my way that I was able to endure. There too I took it day by day, because I had no choice, no energy, no emotional capacity to even think of what tomorrow would bring. It's a story that I think about occasionally, but the consequences I face every single day. Yesterday it was on my mind big time, so I thought I'd share...

Three and half years ago, Eva, then 2, grabbed my tea cup off of the kitchen counter and took a sip. It was extremely hot and even though she had enough wherewithal to place the cup back on the counter, it spilled on her chin, hands and chest. Had she dropped it it would have spilled on her legs and feet as well. Within seconds my baby was burned very badly. First estimates by the paramedics were 30% of her little body. I was horrified and grief stricken. Long story short, for 6 long months we waited for her wound to simply close. The poor girl had an open wound on her chest for 6 painful months. We visited the burn clinic at Loyola at least two or three times a week, trying different ointments, different strategies just to get what was ultimately a little open area to close. We took it day by day, administering morphine before her bath because of her anxiety, and perfecting a little figure 8 bandage wrap around her tiny torso and shoulders. Finally, as we ran out of options, the doctors decided to graft it as they meticulously took skin from her scalp and placed it on her chest. She is left with a nasty scar, which I see every morning and every evening. A constant reminder of a mother's careless mistake. I truly thought the tea cup was much farther back on the counter than it actually was. Never in a million years did I think she could reach it.

This is my cross to bear. Some days I never think about it, other days it's all I think about. Anyway, I share this as a reminder to myself, and to all who are struggling, have faith that by the grace of God you will get through the challenge you are facing. Okay, perhaps not a revelation, but certainly a parallel in my life that I plan on drawing from as I continue my efforts to lose weight and gain health.

Well, I think that may be it folks. Like I said, I'll update FB while I'm in Utah...but I honestly don't see myself snapping photos of my meals and reviewing every workout with you via the blog. My predecessors have done such an outstanding job of doing that, I almost feel like I've been there! So catch me on Facebook, and to all my friends out there, a million thank yous for your overwhelming support! To my new friends, I truly look forward to meeting you on the 4th and taking this journey with you!

Wishing you peace, love and good health!

Finding Balance

It's been tooooo long since I've dedicated time to write. It's been even longer since I've read through my fellow campers' blogs. Apologies my friends! The past 10 days have been crazy. The past 10 years have been crazy and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon!

Recapping last week....I did not log my food at all. Feel free to tsk tsk, point and shake the finger, etc. Unfortunately it was evident on the scale. I felt like I ate well, but even though I had 6 days of awesome workouts, I managed to GAIN 1.4. For about 10 minutes I let it get to me...really get to me. Then I made a decision to not allow a scale setback morph into a motivation setback. Truth is, my cardiovascular endurance is undoubtedly improving, and the scale doesn't measure that.

In an effort to step up my game, and to better prepare myself for my impending adventure, I'm having to shift the balance of home life, and dedicate more time to my workouts. I'm now doing two workouts a day, one outdoors so I get accustomed to walking on something other than a belt, and the second on the treadmill so I can fully focus on incline. This morning I totally stepped out of my comfort zone (and my warm, comfy bed) to walk 2+ miles outdoors in the rain before the girls awakened for school. I am not a morning workout person. Never have been. But the fact is that next week at Disney I need to hit the treadmill before we hit the parks, so I may as well get into the routine now. By the time I hit Utah in 3 weeks I should be conditioned to multiple workouts a day....although nothing I do now could ever be adequate preparation for what I'm about to endure. The best I can do is to push myself more and more each day. Tonight I ran 1 minute sprints on the treadmill. It doesn't sound like much, but for this walker it was. I swore to myself that I wouldn't run before boot camp, because I am deathly afraid of re injuring my bum knee. But I felt that my body was craving and capable of it.

I must admit that I'm still not fully focused on food, but rather completely focused on improving endurance so that I can physically get through the week of camp. The food will come. I will have no option that week other than to eat healthy and within their meal plan. Whatever amount of weight I lose that week will be huge momentum for me when I get home. And with my workout routines are already in place, I'm sure to succeed.

Best to you my friends, and sorry it's been so long!

Rewards and Consequences

Today's weigh in was great! I was down 4.4 this week making a total of 12 even for the year. Very encouraging that my hard work paid off...I know it won't always, but this week I'll own it. Then I briefly debated...take the day off from working out, or enjoy 3 tacos and a 3 mile hike. It took less than 5 minutes to realize that I actually wanted to walk today and did not want to break my momentum. Then for about 45 minutes I struggled with the brilliant idea of doing the hike without the tacos. Rewarding hard work with more hard work...what a concept! In the end, I decided to go for the tacos, not because I necessarily wanted or "deserved" them, but because I knew if I didn't have them today, I'd still be thinking about them tomorrow. I fell into this pattern last month, when my reward entailed going to a late night movie on Saturday....I finally went on Monday. Mentally it was not the right decision for me. I chased that reward for 2 entire days, and replaced it with little "slips" along the way telling myself "it's okay, you never took advantage of your reward." BIG MISTAKE! So today I looked within, identified behavior patterns, weighed the reward versus the consequence, and chose accordingly. Ideally I'll get out of this reward mentality, or at the very least replace it with something non-food related. But for today I'll enjoy those 11 point tacos, after all, I have to eat! Oh, and my 3 miles were exhilarating! I felt incredible afterwards, like a new woman. I downloaded some new tunes today, and can't wait to hit 3 miles again tomorrow. Aiming for 4 next weekend!

Last chance workout people, last chance workout!!!

It's been a great week for workouts, tonight being no exception. Tomorrow morning is my WW weigh in and I'm hoping to have lost something, anything, but especially the two pounds that I was up last week. Cardio was pretty much my focus this week and after putting in my 6th night tonight, I feel awesome! I sure could use a rest tomorrow, you know, weigh in day and the whole reward mentality, dangerous as it is. But I've made myself a deal...I can either reward myself the way I have the past two weekends, by having Chipotle for lunch (the only fast food I'll eat after watching Food Inc.) Or I can skip the treadmill. But I can't do both. Either way, I'm facing a 3 mile hike either Saturday or Sunday, or better yet, BOTH!

I feel exceptional, more energetic and alive than I have in a while. This morning as the kids were going off to school I was doing a little happy TGIF dance....my hubs looked at me and said, "your treadmill is definitely working. You have more energy and you're in a better mood than I've seen in a while." Just a reminder that the scale is not the only method of measuring success.

Have a happy, healthy weekend my friends!

The Buck Stops Here

The tall non-fat latte that is. And it actually stopped last week, I think. Without making an effort, my daily Starbucks run appears to be subsiding. I can't even tell you when I had my last latte. Perhaps last Friday? So nearly a week? What I do know is that I'm no longer looking for caffeine as fuel, but rather to whole foods that will fill me up and keep me going. I must confess to a little secret weapon however, and that's my Trader Joe's unsweetened green tea. I'm an idiot when it comes to brewing green tea...give me black tea, and I'm a master. But brewing green tea is an art...for which I have no time to master. So last year DuWayne (my old trainer) turned me on to TJs green tea in a 1 litre bottle. I drink on average a litre a day. Either unflavored, orange bergamot or blueberry pomegranate, my fav. I used to drink very little water, if any, but the green tea has been a seamless transition from sugary soda to water. I still get a little flavor, without the sugar substitutes of the drink powders. No calories, no fat, no carbs, 10mg of sodium and 50% vitamin C. Wow! I never noticed the Vitamin C til now. No wonder I feel so fantastic! I have no idea how much caffeine is in here, but the beauty of this tea is that it enables one to drop a lot of water. So if you're ever feeling the bloat, I would highly recommend this.

So bye bye latte. I'll keep my 2 WW points, and my 3 bucks, and feel more clear headed, more focused as a result.

Untitled

There was no method to my madness, but today's workout consisted of shoveling the driveway. In the 9 years that we've lived here, I've never done this. A month ago I never would have considered it. But today I put on my Polar monitor and an hour and 600 calories later, I felt AWESOME! The girls had a scheduled day off so every once in a while I poked my head in the back door to check on everyone....and each time I did my little helper, Eva, refilled my water glass so I didn't have to remove my boots. She is too cute! I had every intention of getting on the treadmill tonight, but I opted out due to a headache. I know this will not be an option in 6 weeks, so I may have to keep ahead of the game by round the clock Advil. I'm trying to be more conscientious about moving more, doing toe raises at the kitchen counter, taking 5 minutes here and there to do some stepping, and stretching, stretching and more stretching. Every little bit should help.

This weekend was spent researching and shopping for items for the Ridge. My Wright socks arrived today, sports bras have been ordered from Champion USA, little packets of EVOO and balsamic vinegar ordered for our Disney trip in 3 weeks (so I have better control over my nutrition while traveling). Workout clothes have been received from Lands End, some I love, others will be returned. As for the swimsuits - forget about it! I'm wearing what I already have and will look forward to buying something new for summer after I lose a size or two. Tomorrow after a much needed haircut I'm heading out to get my Camelbak, and possibly look at trail shoes.

Off to see the conclusion of ice dancing! Be well!

The BIG Picture

Saturdays are WW weigh in days. I skipped last week knowing that I had gained, and knowing that if I saw it on the scale it would shatter my confidence. Yes, I was still that fragile. This week I had no idea what the scale had in store for me, but I went in with a completely new attitude. I knew that I would get what I paid for, meaning, I would only get out of my week that which I put into it. Truth be told, over the last 14 days I have eaten beyond my points for 11 of them. Only these last 3 days were perfect. I worked out 6 days this week but didn't know how much that would help. As a result, I had a 2.2 gain over two weeks...and I'm okay with that. My motivation is not shattered, I have not lost focus, and I'm not disappointed. I'm being realistic. And I'm looking at the big picture...

I still have lost 7.6 pounds this year. I know I'm taking positive steps towards a healthier lifestyle, forming better habits, and setting positive trends each and every day. My goal is not to lose a certain number by a certain date. I know this will take time, and every little loss will eventually add up to something big. This is a revelation for me, as someone who has always been one of those dieters who expected instant results. I used to be very all or nothing, completely in or completely out. I forgot how critical it is to have realistic expectations. It's taken me years to figure out that I need a plan that fits my life, not a life that fits around a plan.

It recently occurred to me that during the time I spent with my trainer and nutritionist last year, I was focusing on the very small details. Before each appt with the trainer I made my own "gatorade" with water, pomegranate juice, green tea, and L-Glutamine, then also made a whey protein shake for post workout. I felt the need to do everything just right to get the maximum benefit, while completely losing sight of the grand scheme of things, that it was just important to get my butt moving. That amount of prep along with getting the kids off to school then rushing to the health club to be on time did not fit my life, and eventually stopped being fun. They say the beauty is in the details, but so is the devil.

So big picture....I'm doing what feels right and fits with my life right now. I may not be working out as much as I could/should be in preparation for Fitness Ridge, but I'm committed to doing more and more every day to keep my progress moving forward. My treadmill work this week increased from 1.5 to 2.5 miles, much of that between a 5-10% incline. My goal is to be at 8.5 miles by 4/4. I will hug that STOP sign and you will see a photo!

Have a happy & healthy weekend my friends!